SNOW WHITE SLAYS, QUEEN

 

Terrence was a drag.

A drag princess that is.

But he wanted to be queen.

To do that, he needed a king.

His Drag Mother forbade it, keeping him isolated.

Nobody said no to Drag Mother, only ‘Yass, Kween!’

Drag Mother didn’t want nobody trying to steal her throne.

So, she made all the drag princesses dress campy, never sexy.

This was how she would ensure nobody wanted them in the spotlight.

But when Terrence became his drag alter ego, named Snow White, he glittered.

No matter how campy he was dressed, he still stole the show each night.

But Snow was not satisfied being a side act to Drag Mother, she wanted more.

But in order to become more, she needed a handsome, well tucked king in her life.

Snow’s secret seven ex’s had all proved inadequate, they were all quickly dwarfed by her enormous… aspirations.

Drag Mother caught on to Snow’s plan and vowed to throw our drag princess back in the closet.

‘I will serve this sassy snatch princess an apple martini, laced with arsenic, and have her sashaying away forever!’

So, on gentlemen’s night, Drag Mother went up to the bar and made her poison beverage for our unsuspecting Snow.

Then, after Snow White’s performance of 'It’s Raining Men', Drag Mother offered the apple martini with her best Miss Congeniality face.

Thinking only of the handsome pit crew member standing stage left, Snow happily accepted the tampered apple martini and swallowed it down.

‘Oh, I feel rather sleepy all of a sudden and don’t think I can perform for the rest of the night, Drag Mother.’

Drag Mother smiled, taking the martini glass, and throwing it away subtly so that no one could trace it back to her queenly self.

Snow White fell to the floor and, just before she fell asleep, wondered if her handsome pit crew man was really a king in disguise.

Luckily, Snow’s seven secret ex’s saw what had happened and carried our young drag princess off backstage to a glass coffin used in Rebecca Glasscock’s act.

There Snow lay, asleep in five layers of white and red makeup, two layers of hip pads, nine-inch stiletto heels and duct taped into a black wig.

To everyone’s surprise the unthinkable happened, the handsome pit crew man was indeed a wealthy king in disguise who often came to watch Terrence dressed as Snow White!

Everyone was gagging and prayed he would kiss her awake and make her into a drag queen – after all it worked for Ru Paul-zel in a far a-slay kingdom.

Just like in a cheesy, rom-com movie where the beautiful broad is smooched on her kisser in the airport scene at the movie’s end, he smacked his lips to hers.

Like magic, Snow White’s diamanté mink eyelash extensions flickered up and the drag princess who shined like glitter was once again full of pizzazz and feeling like a real drag superstar!

Drag Mother was, of course, furious – wouldn’t you be if your darling drag child had the nerve to foil your underdeveloped, ill-thought plans for murder and drag domination by refusing to die?

Well, our little miss Snow White had a thing or two to say about that, so with her seven exes’ backing her, and her new hunky beau beside her, she confronted Drag Mother.

In front of the whole club, Snow White challenged Drag Mother to a sickening lip sync battle, where the one who could slay and turn the party best won the coveted title of Queen.

As Gloria Gaynor’s 'I Will Survive' played through the club speakers, Snow and Drag Mother let the audience have it, serving death drops, voguing, windmills, and wig reveal after wig reveal leaving the crowd stunned!

When it seemed like she was losing steam, Snow stepped her pussy up giving them a death drop for the gods, winning the title of Drag Queen Supreme, and waving ‘bye Felicia’ to that old bitch.

Forever after, Drag Mother was known as Drag Bother and fled the Queendom, leaving our stunting princess, Snow White, to take her place as Drag Queen Supreme where she lived sickening ever after with her handsome King.

The End

This original queer reimagining of Snow White, written in 2020, was part of a creative writing portfolio with University of Southern Queensland. This particular piece was created using the limitation of only being able to add one extra word with each sentence. All rights reserved.